Monday, March 29, 2010

It's your choice.

I had decided what to blog about today but changed my mind when a friend asked some questions on Facebook. She asked if anyone had ever witnessed violence, any type. I have. Words can be violent. Anger is a type of violence, in my opinion, even when you don’t end up striking out at someone.

Maybe there’s people out there who haven’t witnessed some kind of violence but most likely you have. Sarcasm meant to hurt; words meant to hurt; loud, angry voices.

Growing up, mostly with my father, I witnessed an angry, loud and hurtful voice on a daily basis. He was rarely ever happy at home. In front of others it was a different story, of course, but not at home. I know it was because he didn’t feel in control of his life and he blamed others constantly. Especially me. It was my fault that he was miserable at home and that he and my mom couldn’t be happy because he didn’t want kids. He told me he loved his car more than me because his car never hurt him. Sounds childish doesn’t it?

That was just a couple of things I can remember him telling me. There was other things too, like, he had to clean the bathroom after each person took a shower. Once my mom had to use the bathroom really bad but was afraid to anger him. She was very uncomfortable and I took it upon myself, at the ripe old age of twelve, to defend her.

I know that my father’s life, growing up, wasn’t easy. Lots of alcohol and abuse in his home. But that’s not an excuse! If he was around now I would tell him that he has choices. He has nobody to blame but himself if he isn’t happy. Minute to minute you have a choice.

How has my life been impacted? I have little tolerance for those who complain about their ‘crappy life’ and don’t do anything about it. I don’t tolerate shouting... heck nothing other than loving voices in my home. I don’t allow anyone to tell me what I ‘should’ do. I have high expectations for each day. Joy, joy, joy.

We each have a choice in how we turn out and how we’re living. If you don’t like your life, change it. If you want to be respected, you have to demand it. Expect the best for yourself and you will most likely get just that. No victims, just a whole lot of choices.

(c) 2010 www.kimbelangermills.com All rights reserved.

4 comments:

  1. Wonderful article Kim! I am thrilled to hear someone put to words how I feel. Control is violence. Anger is violence. Negativity, a propagation of helplessness, victimization is violence. Choice is freedom, and we are lucky to live somewhere that consequence comes in "personal" pieces, rather than being publicly flogged for stating an opinion, or forced at gunpoint to vote a particular way. Thank you for your insight - well done!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks very much for your comment. :-)

    Blessings,
    Kim

    ReplyDelete
  3. Powerful share Kim... thank you for your honesty and vulnerability.

    Wounded children become wounded adults.

    Adults have to take responsibility for their growth and wellness...

    I appreciate you
    Joyce

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Joyce!! I appreciate you too! :-)

    Blessings,
    Kim

    ReplyDelete