Toe Crisis 😱

So. I've got a booboo. And I'm a big baby. Actually, I have PTSD in general but also about medical people, medical places and medical issues. Since I was 11. And then re-traumatized each time I went anywhere medical.

This time, I have support! I have a a free emergency counselling numer to call (Wellness Together Canada), a free health number to call (811 in Canada) and a medical support person at a walk-in clinic (which isn't open weekends).

Anyway, what happened... I hugged someone and they picked me up ever so slightly, maybe a foot off the ground. I lifted my leg and wacked my toe on a kitchen drawer pull. Wham. Problem. For some, no big deal. A PTSD sufferer... Level 10 crisis.

Steps for a PTSD  sufferer... well... 

• I've now ordered some slides to wear indoors to help protect my feet. Also, people won't be man-handling me. At all. This was my wake up call of how easy things happen.
• I ordered a medical boot from Amazon 
• A support team has been carefully curated in any area that might cause stress (people above, also specific people at the best dental clinic I could find, who put the patient first (not their policies/rules/personal beliefs).  
• I also work on boundaries and voice those boundaries clearly, at every opportunity (no - I will not be touched, no - I will not have a conversation about things that go against my values) 
• meditation/yoga music softly in the background and...
• a whole lotta self-care! 

Lets talk self-care, for a minute. This is a different ball game for someone with high anxiety and panic attacks. I love how someone who has never had a panic attack suggests meditation. Ugh. You need to focus on breathing but if you are panicking then focusing on your breath can make you hyperventilate. Or you might also hyper focus on the problem. You certainly can't clear your mind!! 

Here's what self-care looks like for me, when highly anxious (terrified) and having a panic attack or close to it. I try to bridge the panic to a better state by distraction. This isn't avoiding your problem or feelings. It's taking care of your basic needs first. Sanity. I look to funny shows, I maybe try to dump my email clutter, I organize the emails I'm keeping, or maybe clean something. Sunday I actually built an entire website! (there will be another post about that!) All the while, planning what to do on my "down time" (trapped on the bed) and steps to take regarding my health issue.

So, things are a slow go now. Injured on Saturday, called the walk-in clinic on Monday, don't have the xray until Tuesday... all the while pretty much trapped in my bedroom, waiting for visitors (and food/drinks!) and trying be productive online. 

I'll keep people posted but, until further notice, not being able to walk means I can't clean. Helloooo.. can we say terrified?? 

Stay tuned! 

PS I'll include a photo of a very gross toe below. Don't scroll down if you get grossed out, as I do. 🤮

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