Often we aren't modelled what boundaries look like. Those who wish to control you wouldn't want you to have boundaries nor would those with substance abuse issues. We need to learn this as we go.
For me, the first step in having boundaries was learning my core values. Make a list of all values, that have meaning to you, and then decide on your top five. If something doesn't feel just right, or you can't decide what to say yes to, just check on your values. Not in alignment with your values? Then say no without guilt. It's your life, after all. Nobody else gets to decide what's important to you or how to live your life and those angered by your decision have ulterior intentions, other than you living your best life, because only you get to decide on your life story.
Check in with your life regularly, especially if you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious, resentful or depression. Which are all signs of boundary issues. Check with your calendar, check around your home to the align with what's important to you.
To help with your boundary list here is MY top 5 and also the top 60 values (of 216) from the Science of People website.
Kim's Top 5 Boundary List (and why)
1. Stability - When you've been trapped in a toxic relationship, facing the possibility of homelessness, bankruptcy and the loss of your child and fur babies, stability becomes absolutely essential. I'll never be in a position of loss again. Ever. This becomes primal.
2. Calmness, peace, connection with Spirit - To me, this is all one and the same. Again, past experiences and lack (less than ideal home life, growing up) have made these a priority in my life. Being outdoors was a way to achieve this feeling, as a child, growing up in rural Alberta.
3. Joy - Finding joy in all aspects of life is definitely the best way to live life, I find. It's also the best way to attract your wants in life and to get through any tough time.
4. Freedom - Not being trapped in a job, a social situation, or an obligation is an amazing feeling. So light, so joyful. One way is to free yourself from too much clutter, whether it be belongings or in your schedule!
5. Humour - A cure for anything... sadness, depression, indecision, confusion, overwhelm. Humour helps to bridge from the unwanted to the wanted quicker than any other way, for me.
The Science of People (60/216)
Looking to bring order to your chaotic life? Add your name to the wait list for the Mindful Kim's Mindful Life Community and Boot Camp by emailing Kim.